Sexting. How safe are your children online?

 

Sexting comprises of making and sharing sexual material using mobile phones or by  posting material online. The images can be those of yourself or someone else  naked or partially naked.

Understanding why teenagers engage in sexting is important if we are  going to address the issue. Sexting has become n increasing concern for parents of teenagers and preteens. Some of the reasons why teenagers send sexually explicit photos include the following:

• As a romantic gesture
• Peer pressure or cyber bullying
• Because it feels liberating and/or grown up
• Self-esteem issues
• Sexual favours in return for other services
• Rebelliousness, or the need to be allowed to make their own decisions

For young people, sexting is more often than not consensual and something fun to do. Teenagers might see sexting as part of building friendships and boosting their own self confidence, and exploring their bodies, identities and sexuality. They also worry that their pictures will be shared with other people including family and as such young people tend to reduce this risk by sharing images with people they trust and with whom they have or might have a romantic relationship with. However some teenagers do send sexual images to people they have hardly met.

As parents and caregivers, we must be willing to engage in open and honest conversations with teenagers about sexting and sending nudes. This way parents are able to understand what sexting means to teenagers. We talk to children about bullying and talking to strangers. But what about staying safe online? Having regular conversations about what your child is doing online is the best way to keep them safe.

As embarrassing as it may feel, talking to children about sexting can be part of talking about sexuality. Your children need to know that sending nudes has risks , like sharing images without consent. Telling your child not to send nudes isn’t the best way to protect them, instead have honest conversations about sexual risks, respectful relationships and trust.

You need to also encourage your child to think what could happen if she/ he fell out with someone who has their sexual images. For example that person might share the images, and once the images are on the internet they can be difficult to remove. Besides, let them know the legal side of sexting. For example sending nudes photos of others online is a criminal offence that could get them into a lot of trouble. For example, sexting involves minors and these nude photos are considered child pornography. Let them know that if a sexting photo arrives on their phone, they should never distribute it to anyone else( that could be considered distribution of child pornography). And there are legal consequences to this.

Let your child know that sexting is a sexual activity and they have a right to say no. Let them know it’s not OK for someone to pressure them into doing anything sexual.

Teenagers always imagine that they are invincible so even when they know sexting is wrong , they don’t think they will get caught. Help your children understand that if their sexting backfires and images get into the wrong hands they will be trolled and bullied, therefore creating a harsh world for themselves.

Remember sexting can compromise your child’s reputation.  Help them understand that once a photo goes viral there is no way of knowing how many people will save it or share it. The photo could re-surface years after it was taken and posted. More and more college reps and employers are now seeking information about candidates online.

As caregivers and parents, we must spend time to talk to teenagers about sex. Young people need to know it’s okay to have feelings and desires. Talk to them about the impact and consequences of acting on their desires.  Do not treat sex as a taboo topic in your household, rather create the safe environment for your teen to ask questions and have open dialogue. For example if your children have sent any nudes to anyone, first of all learn as much as possible about the situation. See if it was a teen “romance thing”, a form of harassment or bullying or it was just impulsive behavior. Stay calm and be supportive as your children open up about why they are sexting.

To conclude, it is important that we educate young people on the dangers associated with sexting. There are many teens making good decisions when it comes to sexting. You will not stop your teens from sexting by adopting a stern attitude. They know they can outwit you especially if you aren’t tech-savvy. Prevention is the best form of protection. Sit down with your children in a non-confrontational and nonthreatening environment and talk to them. Adopting respectful parenting techniques combined with education, your children are likely to make the right choices.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s Talk PANTS.

This week for me has been one of deep reflection on matters sexual abuse of children. I have come across two disturbing cases of paedophilic behaviour on social media, something that raises a lot of questions especially because it’s posted online leaving the rest of us shocked, petrified and angered to say the least. 

However, we can always beat abusers at their game if we are knowledgeable about how we can teach children important messages , like their body belongs to them and they should tell an adult if they are upset or worried.

In my line of work as a child protection professional, I have realized that parents and caregivers rarely talk to their children about their bodies. Yet, children look up to us to learn and understand their world.

As Child protection practitioners we are constantly finding ways to educate children on how to stay safe. I believe in secure childhoods and thus the need for all of us to learn how to give sound and practical advice to children. As much as conversations like these are hard, the aim is not to upset or scare families and children alike, but rather to create awareness around us on how children can also be their own person in protecting their bodies.

One of the greatest resource in talking to your children about their bodies is TALK PANTS. This is a guide developed by NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children) . The guide they offer has been created with parents and caregivers in mind and it will help you to have that important conversation with your 4-11 year old child about their body.

From P through to S, each letter of PANTS provides a simple but valuable lesson that can help keep a child safe.

Privates are Private.

Your underwater covers up your private parts and no one should ask to see or touch them. Sometimes a doctor or nurse a member of family might have to, but they should always explain why and ask you if it’s OK first.

Always remember your body belongs to you.

No one should make you do thing that make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. If someone tries to touch you underneath your underwear, say NO- and tell someone you trust.

No means No.

No means no and you always have the right to say “no” even to a family member or someone you love. You are in control of your body and the most important thing is how you feel.

Talk about secrets that upset you.

There are good and bad secrets. Good secrets can be things like surprise parties or gifts for other people. But bad secrets make you feel sad, worried or frightened. You should always tell an adult bad secrets right away.

Speak up, someone can help.

Talk about things that make you worried or anxious or upset. If you ever feel sad or upset, talk to an adult you trust. It can be a family member or a teacher or a friend to your parent.

As mentioned earlier, this is just a guide to talking to your children about what is appropriate behaviour around their bodies. You know your child better than anyone else and you will know how much detail to go. Talking PANTS is not talking about sex. However, should it come up, it’s valuable to take time to take the opportunity to talk.

If your child says something that worries you, get some advice from professionals. Always react with love, support openness and reassurance.

*Images and content sourced from nspcc.org.uk/pants.

 

 

 

 

The case of Missing children : How can we prevent it?

There are so far too many alerts on missing children in Kenya. And there is no bias to age because kids as young as 4 year old to children as old as 17 years go missing every other day.

Studies have shown that the most prevalent factors contributing to missing children are problems at home including conflicts with siblings and parents. At least 90% of missing children cases are as a result of runaways.

Other children run from home because they are “forced to”. This could result from their behavioural issues such as substance abuse which may lead to prolonged conflict with their parents or guardians.

Young girls for example have ran from home because of being subjected to violence or forced marriages or relationships. If a child is being exposed  to episodes of sexual exploitation, they  a are most likely  to run from home. Sexual exploitation thus  needs to be stemmed. It is no doubt that cases of FGM have led many girls to run for safety.

We must tackle the causes and consequences of missing children: Risks. What risks are these children facing in their everyday lives that they need to run away from?

Children who go missing are at an increased risk of sexual exploitation and abuse. Sometimes they are running towards harm even when they are running away from it. I believe that missing children are often a consequence, symptom or an indicator of a problem rather than a problem itself.

Children also go missing due to being groomed and trafficked for sexual exploitation. Vulnerable girls are particularly at a risk of being groomed by older males who seek to gain their trust before sexually abusing them.

We also need to acknowledge that children who repetitively go missing are visibly sending out a cry for help for an ongoing harm.

However, For younger children, most times than not, missing episodes are as a result of lack of clear communication and setting of boundaries between caregivers and children. Children are so innocent in the way they trust the world around them. Playgrounds are heaven to children, yet they offer a great risk of harm for predators.  Supervise your children playing. And have clear rules on how far they can go. 

When there is very little or no adult supervision, Children can also be abducted by strangers. I think that just as we teach children how to stop, look and listen before crossing the road, it is important to teach them ways to stay safe out there.  Children are vulnerable and trusting and it is our job to remind them of the basic safety rules.

The three main rules I think are important to communicate with children are:

1. Don’t walk away with anyone other than the person arranged to take care of you.

2. Avoid getting into a car with a stranger at all costs.

3. Remember adults do not need help from a child. Not to find anything, not even a cat. If an adult is asking you for help, that is a warning sign.

4. If somebody forcefully grabs you, scream as loudly as you can.

While we all want the best for children, we can never prevent every harm they are exposed to. Parents and caregivers can however do this one thing: Communicate. Have strong relationships with your children. Stay plugged in their lives. When a child’s relationship with their parents isn’t strong, communication breaks down leaving the child vulnerable to predators.

When relationships deteriorate with children, dangers really come into play.

Sexting. How safe are your children online?

 

Sexting comprises of making and sharing sexual material using mobile phones or by  posting material online. The images can be those of yourself or someone else  naked or partially naked.

Understanding why teenagers engage in sexting is important if we are  going to address the issue. Sexting has become n increasing concern for parents of teenagers and preteens. Some of the reasons why teenagers send sexually explicit photos include the following:

• As a romantic gesture
• Peer pressure or cyber bullying
• Because it feels liberating and/or grown up
• Self-esteem issues
• Sexual favours in return for other services
• Rebelliousness, or the need to be allowed to make their own decisions

For young people, sexting is more often than not consensual and something fun to do. Teenagers might see sexting as part of building friendships and boosting their own self confidence, and exploring their bodies, identities and sexuality. They also worry that their pictures will be shared with other people including family and as such young people tend to reduce this risk by sharing images with people they trust and with whom they have or might have a romantic relationship with. However some teenagers do send sexual images to people they have hardly met.

As parents and caregivers, we must be willing to engage in open and honest conversations with teenagers about sexting and sending nudes. This way parents are able to understand what sexting means to teenagers. We talk to children about bullying and talking to strangers. But what about staying safe online? Having regular conversations about what your child is doing online is the best way to keep them safe.

As embarrassing as it may feel, talking to children about sexting can be part of talking about sexuality. Your children need to know that sending nudes has risks , like sharing images without consent. Telling your child not to send nudes isn’t the best way to protect them, instead have honest conversations about sexual risks, respectful relationships and trust.

You need to also encourage your child to think what could happen if she/ he fell out with someone who has their sexual images. For example that person might share the images, and once the images are on the internet they can be difficult to remove. Besides, let them know the legal side of sexting. For example sending nudes photos of others online is a criminal offence that could get them into a lot of trouble. For example, sexting involves minors and these nude photos are considered child pornography. Let them know that if a sexting photo arrives on their phone, they should never distribute it to anyone else( that could be considered distribution of child pornography). And there are legal consequences to this.

Let your child know that sexting is a sexual activity and they have a right to say no. Let them know it’s not OK for someone to pressure them into doing anything sexual.

Teenagers always imagine that they are invincible so even when they know sexting is wrong , they don’t think they will get caught. Help your children understand that if their sexting backfires and images get into the wrong hands they will be trolled and bullied, therefore creating a harsh world for themselves.

Remember sexting can compromise your child’s reputation.  Help them understand that once a photo goes viral there is no way of knowing how many people will save it or share it. The photo could re-surface years after it was taken and posted. More and more college reps and employers are now seeking information about candidates online.

As caregivers and parents, we must spend time to talk to teenagers about sex. Young people need to know it’s okay to have feelings and desires. Talk to them about the impact and consequences of acting on their desires.  Do not treat sex as a taboo topic in your household, rather create the safe environment for your teen to ask questions and have open dialogue. For example if your children have sent any nudes to anyone, first of all learn as much as possible about the situation. See if it was a teen “romance thing”, a form of harassment or bullying or it was just impulsive behavior. Stay calm and be supportive as your children open up about why they are sexting.

To conclude, it is important that we educate young people on the dangers associated with sexting. There are many teens making good decisions when it comes to sexting. You will not stop your teens from sexting by adopting a stern attitude. They know they can outwit you especially if you aren’t tech-savvy. Prevention is the best form of protection. Sit down with your children in a non-confrontational and nonthreatening environment and talk to them. Adopting respectful parenting techniques combined with education, your children are likely to make the right choices.