Online grooming: What it is, and how we can spot it.

Interestingly enough, the Internet came with all the goodness there is to it, but it was definitely not designed with children in mind. No one would have ever thought that our children would be so easily distracted and negatively influenced by the internet. Ideally, we all want tech- smart children.  The internet is no longer just a fun and safe space for anyone, leave alone our children.  Children and young people are naturally curios, so they will want to be online to see and learn as much as they can.  Sadly, behind keypads and keyboards, we have sexual predators ready to lure children into the alley of online abuse.

Grooming happens when someone builds an emotional connection with a child in order to gain their trust for the purposes of sexual abuse, sexual exploitation and/ or trafficking.  Groomers can be of any age, and can also be male or female. Many young people or children do not automatically know when they are being groomed.

Grooming can affect any child. However, some children may be more at risk than others such as children who are physically challenged, children in Institutions, and/or young children with access to online platforms without parental supervision.

Groomers will exploit any vulnerability to increase the child or young person’s dependence on them, and reduce the likelihood of the child speaking out.

Signs of grooming in children may not always be obvious, and most care givers may dismiss any new behaviors as normal teenage behavior especially in older children. Remember groomers will go a long way in ensuring they are not found out.

If a child is being groomed they may:

• be very secretive, including about what they are doing online
• have older boyfriends or girlfriends
• go to unusual places to meet friends
• have new things such as clothes or mobile phones that they can’t or won’t explain
• have access to drugs and alcohol.

Groomers take their time in building the trust of children. They will hide their true intentions and spend a lot of time in gaining the trust of the child.

They do this by:

• pretending to be someone they are not, for example saying they are the same age online
• offering advice or understanding
• buying gifts
• giving the child attention
• using their professional position or reputation
• taking them on trips, outings or holidays.

They may also use:

Intimidation and control. Groomers will gradually isolate children from friends and family and begin to use this isolation as a form of control. They will make the child believe that they have to do what they want. Groomers will sometimes blackmail the child from telling anyone about the abuse, or make them feel guilty or ashamed.

When this kind of exploitation happens online, young people or children may be persuaded to take part in sexual activities via webcam or phone, send posts or explicit images of themselves, have sexual chats and conversations. Abusers may thus threaten to send the images or videos or copies of chats and conversations to the young person’s friends and family, unless of course they give in to the sexual activities. Sadly, these images or videos may continue to be shared long after the abuse has stopped.

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s Talk PANTS.

This week for me has been one of deep reflection on matters sexual abuse of children. I have come across two disturbing cases of paedophilic behaviour on social media, something that raises a lot of questions especially because it’s posted online leaving the rest of us shocked, petrified and angered to say the least. 

However, we can always beat abusers at their game if we are knowledgeable about how we can teach children important messages , like their body belongs to them and they should tell an adult if they are upset or worried.

In my line of work as a child protection professional, I have realized that parents and caregivers rarely talk to their children about their bodies. Yet, children look up to us to learn and understand their world.

As Child protection practitioners we are constantly finding ways to educate children on how to stay safe. I believe in secure childhoods and thus the need for all of us to learn how to give sound and practical advice to children. As much as conversations like these are hard, the aim is not to upset or scare families and children alike, but rather to create awareness around us on how children can also be their own person in protecting their bodies.

One of the greatest resource in talking to your children about their bodies is TALK PANTS. This is a guide developed by NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children) . The guide they offer has been created with parents and caregivers in mind and it will help you to have that important conversation with your 4-11 year old child about their body.

From P through to S, each letter of PANTS provides a simple but valuable lesson that can help keep a child safe.

Privates are Private.

Your underwater covers up your private parts and no one should ask to see or touch them. Sometimes a doctor or nurse a member of family might have to, but they should always explain why and ask you if it’s OK first.

Always remember your body belongs to you.

No one should make you do thing that make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. If someone tries to touch you underneath your underwear, say NO- and tell someone you trust.

No means No.

No means no and you always have the right to say “no” even to a family member or someone you love. You are in control of your body and the most important thing is how you feel.

Talk about secrets that upset you.

There are good and bad secrets. Good secrets can be things like surprise parties or gifts for other people. But bad secrets make you feel sad, worried or frightened. You should always tell an adult bad secrets right away.

Speak up, someone can help.

Talk about things that make you worried or anxious or upset. If you ever feel sad or upset, talk to an adult you trust. It can be a family member or a teacher or a friend to your parent.

As mentioned earlier, this is just a guide to talking to your children about what is appropriate behaviour around their bodies. You know your child better than anyone else and you will know how much detail to go. Talking PANTS is not talking about sex. However, should it come up, it’s valuable to take time to take the opportunity to talk.

If your child says something that worries you, get some advice from professionals. Always react with love, support openness and reassurance.

*Images and content sourced from nspcc.org.uk/pants.